The Written Word as a Release

Sometimes, for me, taking my thoughts out of my subconscious through my hands and out into the world wide web can be a wonderful way to relieve the tension I feel, or find answers I had been struggling to find just by thinking or “debating” in my own mind.  Throughout my educational career, I’ve taken countless courses where I’ve had to learn about applying critical thinking skills to everyday life, and so I find myself analyzing every moment of my daily life, the people in my life, and the events that occur in my life.  However, in my experiences (especially over the last ten years or so) in my personal relationships…such analysis has seriously damaged those relationships and caused a great deal of emotional pain and as a consequence, my children have had to deal with a very unstable life for about four years now.  So, my thoughts wander now to questioning how beneficial critical thinking truly is for me, since I obviously do not know the proper way to go about using the skills and methods I’ve learned so far.

Dictionary.com defines critical thinking as “the mental process of actively and skillfully conceptualizing, applying, analyzing, synthesizing, and evaluating information to reach an answer or conclusion.”  This definition to me makes sense in terms of the career I intend on having once I graduate with my masters after I complete this bachelors program; but when I really think about it and compare it to what I have been using it for in my life, I realize that I really have taken the meaning out of context ~ thereby completely making a mess out of my life, as well as my children’s lives; and the lives of those around me who were affected my the choices I’ve made based on all of that incorrect critical thinking.

“Most critical writing is drivel and half of it is dishonest…. It is a short cut to oblivion, anyway. Thinking in terms of ideas destroys the power to think in terms of emotions and sensations.” (Raymond Chandler)  Well, isn’t that the case with me?  No, not completely.  I’ve been confusing the idea of having ideas with overwhelming emotions; being completely confused in the altered, sick state I was in.

The best way I can understand myself is in this quote by Diane Ackerman:  “Though most of us don’t hunt, our eyes are still the great monopolists of our senses. To taste or touch your enemy or your food, you have to be unnervingly close to it. To smell or hear it, you can risk being further off. But vision can rush through the fields and up the mountains, travel across time, country, and parsecs of outer space, and collect bushel baskets of information as it goes. Animals that hear high frequencies better than we do–bats and dolphins, for instance–seem to see richly with their ears, hearing geographically, but for us the world becomes most densely informative, most luscious, when we take it in through our eyes. It may even be that abstract thinking evolved from our eyes’ elaborate struggle to make sense of what they saw. Seventy percent of the body’s sense receptors cluster in the eyes, and it is mainly through seeing the world that we appraise and understand it. Lovers close their eyes when they kiss because, if they didn’t, there would be too many visual distractions to notice and analyze.”

My heart; my emotions can be so overwhelming sometimes the way they beat me bloody from the inside when I think of those who I love most; especially those I love intensely but are gone.  My hope is that through the written word, aka blog and vlog…which I will write about all the different subjects I love; music, art, Riot Grrrl, travel, tattoos, photography…my children…and finding love….hopefully, somewhere in these words I will find the path I need, the words will guide me, someone will find me.  After all, finding new hobbies are a great way to start conquering a broken heart, they say.

Cheers to new beginnings!

~Jacquelyn~

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