For the last month, I have struggled with every aspect of my life – from school, to my kids, to my parents, right down to my cat. Attempting to build new relationships have crashed and burned with remarkable ease, faster than you can say “trainwreck” while older relationships have become stagnant. My one lost love is lonely for me, as I am lonely for him, yet we know we can never be together without one of us ending up dead. My parents don’t understand anything I do, or like, and of course don’t agree on how I parent…and school has been incredibly difficult as I have been completely unable to focus with all of these things swirling around my mind.
Part of the problem is I’m very lonely; I have absolutely no social support these days. Part of the problem is I do a terrible job at disciplining the kids, and their issues really affect me. Another part of the problem is my parents who lack consideration for the fact that we’re different people, and just because they don’t like something I do – doesn’t mean it’s automatically a bad thing.
I hope that one of these days, this phase will pass. I hope that one of these days, I’ll meet a man who isn’t a sex addict, or a liar, or an abusive yet magical man. I just want simple, honest, happy and safe. I didn’t think that was so much to ask.